It's Fun to do Bad Things

ry fun show last night on NYComedyUnderground Radio. My guests were LA based comedian Amy Dresner (www.amydresner.com) and fellow BTR host Lola Mack (http://www.iamlolamack.com/). Rather than trying to sum things up, I decided to list some excerpts from the show. These are phrases that came out of people's mouths.

"kids are getting shittier and shittier"
"an open palmed bitchslap"
"I don't want people to get the impression that you flash your boobs on stage"
"I sound like Johnny Cash"
"then you see I am talking about pussy hairdos"
"open mics are like AA meetings, sex therapy, and depressives anonymous rolled into one"
"I wouldn't want to pass the shit from my genetical pool onto anyone"
"I embarass my fiance every time I step on stage"
"Did it have semen in it?"
"I think putting the condom on her head was enough"
"I don't believe in spankings, I believe in beatings"
"The worst is these kids having kids who are going out to clubs every night"
"Every time I see a teenager there is this uncontrollable rage that builds in me"
"It's fun to do bad things"
"I knew kids who used to play dodge the cars after school"
"These parents are watching Justin Bieber and Harry Potter and are on Team Edward"
"Y'know what, fuck kids"

For more of the madness you can download the episode - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/vanedave/2011/03/11/it-takes-a-village.mp3?localembed=download

or listen via the player below.
 

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Posted via email from vanedave's posterous

Sometimes I Feel Like Quitting...

I was supposed to do a set last night in Manhattan for this "red carpet" webshow event. The show was mainly rappers and singers, with a few spoken word poets thrown in the mix. I was going to be the only comic.

The format of the evening was supposed to be as follows.

The webshow would be taped from 7:30-9:30. I would do a quick 4 minute set and then give a quick interview after. Then at 10 there was going to be a showcase in which I would do 8 minutes. There were supposed to be a few magazines, and other types of press there (nothing big, but exposure was the key). Here is the kicker. I paid to be on this show. 50 dollars to be exact.

I am an idiot. This is the first and last time I have ever done something like that.

So I get to the place at 7 and the dude is in front. I gave him the money, which he had wanted ahead of time, but I told him I'd give it to him there. If the place had been empty, I would have just turned around and went home.

I wish it had been empty.

I was stuck waiting around at that place for almost four hours. The webshow came and went without me getting one second of time. Then the showcase started at ten and I still had no idea what was going on. By that time, I was determined to get my money back. I waited for it to end and then talked to the dude who had my money. He tried to give me the run around telling me I had to talk to his partner. I spent fifteen minutes locating his partner and then brought him over so I could talk to both of them at the same time.

Despite the fact that I had asked about ten different times when I would be going up, despite the fact that I never the building, despite the fact that I was not on the webshow (which is what the money was supposed to be for in the first place), the guy still tried to say he wasn't giving me my money back because he called me to the stage and I did not respond. Hello! I was there for four hours! Was I supposed to be on standby the entire night!!!

I started to lose my cool after arguing with them for about ten minutes. This is when the woman who was taking money at the door stepped in and gave me my money back. I had never even spoken to her, yet she was the one who ended up saying "that's not how we do business". The dude still didn't want to let her give it to me either. I wanted to fuck his shit up so bad!

And so xanga, that was my night yesterday. Another day, another lesson learned. This business can be a real bitch sometimes.

Hey how bout watching this video to make me feel better...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILKVaq94ZzY